Disappointment, Malcontent, Dissatisfaction, Frustration, Letdown, Disgruntle, Aggrieved, Despair, and Dismay… What was I hoping for or expecting that didn’t happen? 

I remember where I first lost my hope…I was working as a 5th grade teacher in an extremely challenging school. My custodian was cleaning my room and we were chatting. I told her that I would not return the following year. She said, “You’ve lost your light.” What a perfect way to describe what I was feeling. I have really high expectations for myself and for others. My students were all below fifth grade level and I had minimal parental support. Education was not the priority for the majority of the families in my classroom and I felt like I was fighting a losing battle. It became too much. I walked away. 

As I have been exploring the possibilities of my life, I realize that I have placed my hope in what “I” thought should be happening. My hope was in the circumstances that I designed and tried to create. I built my hope on a house of cards and when one card was moved, they all came tumbling down. No wonder I have felt hopeless…My hope was in the wrong thing. Psalm 62:5 says, “Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him.” Hello…my hope should be in God!!!! “Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.” Psalm 25:5. 

So join me in this search for hope…

In who or what do you place your hope?


2 thoughts on “Hopelessness

  1. Thank you for sharing these thoughts that many of us have experienced in education– the discouragement and disappointment. I have been there, that frustration! Especially if we put our value of our work and the measure of students’ worth and growth solely on outside measures like a standardized test score. I am wondering about the impact you had on the lives of those children that can never be captured in a standardized test score. I imagine so many of us would fail by someone else’s metrics. How do we learn to value the beauty of our work, our individual growth patterns, the light we bring to our students? The power of our teaching cannot be reduced to a measurable science. Some of the greatest gifts we offer others, like love and faith, is invisible. Remember, the kingdom of God is within YOU.

    Liked by 1 person

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